Everyone knows "this kid"

So when you get to college, or even sometimes in high school, there's that one kid in one of your classes who seems to know everything, and is apparently under the impression that everyone wants to hear the everything that they know.
This semester, "this kid" is in my Intro to Psych class.

To protect their identity, I will call her Jill.
Jill is the grossest, ugliest, most annoying grawlix* I have ever had the displeasure of knowing.
(*A "grawlix" is the technical term for the formation of symbols used to express a swear word, i.e. $@#&^. This is the only possible way for me to express my true feelings about Jill.)

Now you may think I'm being harsh right now, but if you only knew what it was like to deal with her on a weekly basis, I have no doubt you would also refer to her as a grawlix. She doesn't ever ask questions because she's confused about something, the questions she asks are more to show everyone she knows, but she puts it in the form of a question so it doesn't sound like she's trying to teach the teacher. But she isn't fooling anyone.

Today, before class, I was calmly sitting at my desk conversing with another classmate, and in walked the teacher.  Now unlike most students who come in late that calmly walk in, take a seat, grab their notebook from their bag and immediately pay attention to the teacher, Jill stumbles across the classroom as if she's in the greatest hurry in the world to get to her desk, bumps into desks in her row without seeming to notice, and literally falls into her desk, moving it over at least 7".She sits there, all flustered with her lime green Amp energy drink in hand determined to chug at least half of it like a frat guy 8 beers deep. She apparently doesn't notice that her rhinoceros like tendencies have attracted the disapproving looks of the entire class, including the teacher who has already attempted to start class and has called attendance. This is how the conversation went:
"Ahh, Jill, you made it. I can erase your absence mark."
"Yup! I still exist. At least until the little demons decide to drag me away and kill me..."
She actually said that! Who says that?! Never mind to a teacher, in class...weirdo.
She went on throughout the class, which is just an hour and 15 minutes long, to make 18 random comments! Thats a comment every 4 minutes!!
Some of her best comments were...

• When asking a rhetorical question about what animal Pavlov used in his experiment she yelled out, without raising her hand "It's a dog!"...Fuckin' duh its a dog! He wasn't actually asking you!
• When talking about getting over your fears using conditioning, she added "I didn't actually know the true principle until I took a psych class, but I did that myself when i was a kid to get over my fear of the dark..." Oh really? You did huh? Did you give MRI's with your Easy Bake Oven too, dumb bitch.
• When explaining that classical conditioning happens with alcohol sometimes, if you drink to much Captain Morgan's one night and get sick, you won't drink that anymore. She said "Oh, my boyfriend has that problem!" Nobody cares about your boyfriend! If he would go out with you, there must be something terribly wrong with him.
• When talking about classical conditioning she said "It doesn't always work though, I mean I love bacon, and when I was young I ate a full plate one time and I puked after, but I still love bacon...Yum!"
• With five minutes left in class "You only have time for one more slide professor." What? He can't look at the clock himself? Oh and by the way, it was the last slide. How 'bout you just hold your goddamn horses bitch!

There were many other comments she made throughout class that just annoyed me too much to even copy down. I wish she would just let the teacher teach us what he's being payed to teach us and shut the %$@^ up.

Yours truly,
Zero