People of the World

As people of the world, we have a duty to fulfill. We are all the same organic compounds, and all though we all may act differently, we are all the same. Each part of us are made up of tiny cells and molecular bonds, every step and reaction occurs in the same manner as the next, and this isn't just happening in you, but the person that you just made fun of today. Yeah we all make fun of people, and I do it to, but just because we all do it doesn't make it right. We're all human beings, and we all have a duty to help the world, our population, and the populations of other organisms around us in order to preserve the the world we live. Or else we're going to be forced to move into space where there is the unknown. What is there anyways? I'm sure as soon as we move out there, which will be very soon, I'm thinking like next Tuesday, we will be attacked and mugged by alien thugs, and gang wars will pursue. It's going to be awesome, so I know that I'm going to go to Dick's Sporting Goods and prepare for this battle. I'm getting every high-powered gun I can get, and if they don't have it I'm going to go to Kittery, Maine. At the Kittery Trading Post they have at least 500 guns in one room, and if I just explain my situation I'm sure they'll understand. I'll tell them that I'm going mercenary on these alien scums, and that I'm going to do whatever I can to protect this human race. I don't want to save everyone, just the people that are cool. The un-cool ones can do whatever the hell they want. Yeah I may preach certain things, but I don't have to do that myself, I gotta stay hip in this world so might as well stay hip dude. I'm sayin' that the loser people on this Earth don't deserve my time, like the kids who wear sunglasses when they don't need to, or the ones who wear huge headphones, and the ones who wear the jeans with the seams because fuck them, it's not like I actually care about anyone else, I'm all about me and killin' these aliens scums.

If you want to join the revolution, you must fill out the following application...
If you don't fill this out the aliens will get you and make you wear silly things that you don't want to, and how do I know you don't want to? Because this stuff is from the 80's, and that decade was near the worst in history, not 1980, 2080. How do I know that's the worst decade? Because I can predict the future, like GONZO and I am better than you.
Not really, but aliens are going to come, and I believe this is a fair warning.

Fill This out if you want to join the battle front

Name(Give a really cool nickname that makes you sound bad ass)
Social Security #(LOL JK LMAO)
Seeked Profession in battle
Number of Aliens Killed before
Awesome Experience
Favorite Drink(we want you to be quenched)
Preferred Haircut(must be mullet, you don't have a choice)
Ability to Grow a mustache: yes or no check one
Manliness scale: 1-10, I'mnot saying which is better
Best Gained Level on COD WAW Zombies Der Reise
Amount of Stars in COD MOD2 SPEC OPS
Short answer on why you want to kill zombies.
I will get back to each applicant and whether or not you make the cut. We are very selective so apply wisely.